Hi there! First off, I just wanted to say that I've had a problem with being overweight for a few years now and hope to lose a couple of pounds, just like how 3/4 of America is out trying to do right now. I'm 16 years old with a height of 5' 1" and I'm 135 pounds. For some, this may not seem so bad. But for me, it hinders my ability to go out and do what I love-- tennis. I love playing, I really do. Competition is a big deal for me because well, I'm not much of a competitor to my opponents. Too many times have I dealt with losing to people with better tennis abilities. And too many times have I dealt with losing to players who aren't as good at tennis as I am (I'm really really not very good) but they have the stamina to play long matches especially in hot humid weather and push the ball back over the net with terrible un-tennis like form. This has got to stop!
So just a few minutes ago, I was on the computer making a calendar to print out so I can log whatever physical activity I do this summer. It's required for the entire tennis team at my school to turn in a daily journal of any conditioning, tournaments, camps, or hitting out on the courts for the summer so the coaches know that the players want and deserve a spot on the team because we took the time to practice and improve. We also have to participate in at least 5 tournaments. A week long tennis camp can count as 2 tournaments. Last summer, I did 5 tournaments with 2 matches in each. I only won 2 matches that whole summer. I practiced my butt off almost every day for about 2 hours in the hot sun not to mention sweat like a dog. I lost because I wasn't physically fit. That's the simple truth.
Summer vacation lasts 13 weeks and I was telling myself during the spring semester that I'd be doing lots of conditioning and practice over the summer because let's face it, I've always been overweight, extremely slow-paced, and now, it's starting to show more than ever because I haven't done any significant physical activity since a week before school let out which was 3 weeks ago. I ran a 10 minute jog on the treadmill at a hotel 2 weeks ago during a music competition but since then, I've done pretty much nothing. My excuse? I have a summer school prep class. From 8-10:30 every morning. Then I come home, eat lunch around 11, sit on my ass at the computer till about 1, eat again, take a nap till about 5, study some, eat dinner, watch tv until 2 in the morning, and go to sleep for a few hours before getting up around 6:45. Taking naps makes it hard for me to sleep at night so I stay up late which makes me groggy in the morning and want to do nothing but eat and sleep when I get home. Something missing? Most definitely. Whatever happened to all the exercise I said I'd do during the summer?? It was always in the back of my mind that I wasn't going to improve on my game, but I always happened to shrug it off as if it were tomorrow's problem. But today, it was like BAM! As I look down at this calendar, I see that I've done nothing but nothing for 3 whole weeks...even though summer just began, thats only 10 weeks left to work on what I had promised myself I'd work on! I'll be on my JV tennis team again next year because I haven't practiced lately (I never really was good to begin with) and the other girls are not necessarily MORE fit (although they really are) but they are simply fit. I would do great in the first few games of a match then make tons of errors as I grew tired. My teammates are quicker, have more endurance, have more strength; they have everything that I don't. And this seriously seriously bothers me. Only 6 girls can play in tournaments so we have to beat each other to guarantee a spot to play. If I'm not ready mentally and physically, I can't perform to my potential and as a result, not be able to play tournaments. Those tournaments are crucial to becoming a better player because I'd get to play different people with different styles of playing. And my lack of exercise shows in my appearance too. My waist feels like it's being bruised by my size 6 jeans which used to fit just fine. Not to mention my love of food. I decided today to give up pork. And this really is hard for me because I love love love love to eat meats, fried food, sugary food, all foods that I really shouldn't have with my height and lack of activity. I eat a lot of healthy foods, too. But really, I eat too much and exercise to little. I'm terribly lazy, and, like a lot of unsuccessful dieters, I use excuses to avoid sweating and becoming out of breath. I do the whole "I'll do it tomorrow" excuse. Day after day. Never in my life have I felt so compelled to go outside and exercise but the computer, a frappucino, a tv show, a movie, and the dreaded idea of sweating have made me say "I'll do it tomorrow".
So back to my comparison of myself to my teammates. I'm not like the other girls on the team who don't break a sweat at all and can wear anything they want and look great. I can't get to the ball as fast as they do. I can't last as long as they do. My losses on court outnumber my wins because my footwork is horrible. I said I'll work on it. So I say I'll go out and run tomorrow. Of course, it's always easier said than done. Tomorrow becomes today and today becomes tomorrow. A vicious cycle indeed.
Well, I'm through with all that!! I don't want to live this way anymore! I'm tired of the way I look, the way I feel, the way I move around. I'm going to be a junior in high school next year, I want to look good, feel good, I want to know that a hott guy thinks I'm gorgeous (NOT just cute because that's what they say when you have a pretty face but curves in all the wrong places). I'm a teenager who has never been asked out by a guy except if he's so desperate for a girlfriend that he'll literally ask every single girl in school. Sure, I know school is extremely important right now too, but I want somewhat of a social life. I want someone to ask me out because they like me for me and it honestly would be more than flattering if they think that I have a sexy little body!! But I want to KNOW that I have the kind of body that a guy would like, I want a body that I would like, that I could be proud of (not in a I'm-hopelessly-in-love-with-myself kind of way, of course). I do like to be a little bit curvy, but I want the right amount of curves in the right places. I don't want to slim, I want to be slender yet with sexy curves, I want to be toned and fit. Just to be ASKED would give me a confidence that I have never had. I want to be asked to the prom for heaven's sake and dance with a DATE. Even if I don't get a date or if someone doesn't ask me out, I want to know that I'm worthy of being asked out by a nice guy. I want to feel good about how I look. I don't want to suck in my breath to squeeze into clothes that should fit not a super skinny girl my age, but a normal girl who actually eats! I want to buy smaller jeans and dresses and shirts and not have fat bulging out. I want to look at myself in the mirror and love myself, just accept myself. I know I won't be a model or size 0, but I want to be able to buy really cute clothes and look great. I want to look good because I look good, the clothes are just there for style. I want to accept myself as a beautiful creature, not as this monster that hides in a pantry eating life away. I really just want to have fun, look great, and have fun looking great. What girl doesn't want that?
So there you have it. An incredibly long introduction, rants and raves, and desires of mine. This will be my blog in which I'll write about my day-to-day activities, how I feel, and the like. I've already called a friend and we're going out to the tennis courts to hit for maybe 2 hours tomorrow morning when I get back from school. I seriously need it.
My goal by the end of the summer: be all-around fit with more endurance, more strength, and more of a desire to push myself past my aches and pains (oh yes, there will be many of them) and prove to myself that I can do this, that I do want this, and that I DESERVE it. MY EXCUSES HAVE RUN OUT!! There's nothing left for me to hide behind because I see what others have always seen. An overweight girl. We'll just have to see what happens tomorrow. But tomorrow is always a day away. And a lot of things can change in a day. Tomorrow...tomorrow...
No comments:
Post a Comment